A full heart and tummy.

The past few days have been wonderful days! The week started off completely rocky (I'm counting saturday as the beginning of my week). My boss had me pack up my stuff and sent me home on saturday, that.. was interesting.
I dont regret it at all.
Saturday/Sunday Mike had a complete meltdown. We all know what those feel like, especially when nothing in your life seems to be going the way you'd like it to. After church on sunday, the things that he learned and the feelings he felt, calmed his pretty little heart and he could kinda see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Then we went to my family's house for a WONDERFUL dinner my awesome sister made. It was amazing.

8 Layered, chocolate gnash covered cake with homemade carmel frosting in the middle. 

Amazing. 

That night was amazing. All of my family received so much clarity. If I could relive it over and over again I would. 

God loves me, God loves my family. He wants nothing more than for all of us (and all of you) to be happy and for our dreams to come true. <3

Yesterday we went to a picnic with the Woodwards. Im pretty sure I lucked out with such amazing in-laws. I wouldn't want to have married into any other family. 

After our picnic they put me to work and I gave 5 hair cuts in two hours.. I was pretty proud of myself! but, the one hair cut I am still gushing over is my lovely sister-in laws new hair cut! 

Her hair was to her shoulders, we took off a lot! I'd post more pictures but, this is the only Non-blurry one :) She completely rocks this hair style! 

After Sunday night and last night, I have to admit, my heart is so completely filled with love for all of my family. We are so very blessed to have such supportive people in our lives. 

I hope you all do something today that makes you happy or at least smile. 

Sweet little Porsch-uh

This morning for some reason I randomly woke up, I think its might have been because I needed to pee but, I checked my phone and saw 3 missed calls in about the span of 4 minutes and a text from Mike that said "Could you please pick up your phone, my car is dead." I quickly called him back and found out that the case to his engine ( a hard metal case) broke.. blew up?... exploded? A pipe or something went boom and it broke the casing of the engine.

Little Porsche died on the overpass of the highway. 

It's a sad time. We had to have it towed. Funny thing, the tow truck guy asked if he could take a picture of it while it was on the truck. haha I dont care who you are, old cars bring people together. 

:(

So we have officially become two things this week, a one car family and a one job family. 

Yep, I quit my job. 

That's all i'll say about that one. 

Baby Update: its only 3 days post IUI so theres not a whole lot I can tell ya! 

How do you like your eggs? Scrambled? Over easy? Fertilized?

Haha I think I read something like this as a pick up line? or was it a fertility ad? I cant remember.
Anyways. I crack myself up.

Remember those two little eggs? One was 14mm and one was 13mm. Well, the 13mm one digressed to 1mm! I was a little shocked that it didn't put up a fight. I guess your eggs kinda battle it out in the ovarian cage. The one that was 14mm beat the 13mm egg out and is now 18mm! Since everything looked good, we decided to take the trigger shot! I'm kinda relieved that the nurse at the Dr's office just did it for me, otherwise I would have had to inject myself in the car.. or at work.. Yeeah. No


Remember that big box/cooler that we had to overnight? In that styrofoam cooler was a smaller box, with the oh so delicate "Needs to be refrigerated" Ovidrel. This medication is a trigger shot, it tells my body to ovulate. Talk about controlling nature, or at least manipulating it.

Yep, I was that person that asked the nurse if I could take a picture..

I told her I liked documenting things and said "Dont think I'm crazy." She smiled and said "Whatever helps you." I thought that was very compassionate of her.. Then she jabbed me in the gut with this long needle.. and out the door her and her two interns went. 

End compassion. ;)

It's IUI tomorrow, im excited and happy. I'm currently ignoring all negative thoughts. 

Thanks for all of your wonderful prayers and such. I can feel them. <3

p.s. They're starting to know me by name at the clinic. That was kinda cool. 

This one'll be informative!

I had my ultrasound yesterday, the goal was to have mature enough eggs so that I could take the trigger shot (to promote ovulation) so that we can do IUI. Well my little eggs were too small. As of my ultra sound yesterday I have 4 eggs and 2 of them look like they'll grow enough and ovulate. My Dr. wants to see my eggs be 18-20mm.  My two little eggs are 13 and 14 mm so, its back to the clinic tomorrow to check them again.
Let's just say internal ultrasounds are not the most comfortable things in the world. but! it was extremely cool to see my ovaries and eggs! Not many people get to experience that.. If (ahem, when) I do get pregnant from this IUI I can say I saw my baby/babies from the time they were itty bitty eggs!

This is an awful picture but, this is the ultrasound of my right ovary and the eggs. The black circles are actually the eggs. She was measuring each one.

This isn't my picture, it's from google. 

But its kinda what you'd see. like I said the black circles are the eggs. My 14 mm one looked a lot like the super big one. How cool is that? I have been researching the process the ovaries go through, and seeing it in real life is pretty fantastic. 

For anyone who doesn't know what actually goes on. Here it is! The follicle is where the egg lives until ovulation. Dont be mistaken in the ultrasound picture those are all eggs. 

Anyways! My Dr. is confident that my eggs will be 18-20mm by tomorrow. I seriously hope they are.

Let's rewind real quick.. I did say baby/babies! Once eggs are over 14mm they have the likelihood of becoming fertilized. If my Dr. thinks my 14mm egg will be 18-20mm by tomorrow the 13mm egg will most likely grow at the same rate... and that's where you get the "babies" part!

Her words, "Just so you know thats a risk, that both can become fertilized... If you do get pregnant from this IUI we will be very interested to see how many are in there."

We'll see! Another ultrasound tomorrow.

Internal ultrasound=expensive OPK (ovulation prediction kit)

Sunday Funday.

AHH! tomorrow is Monday the 20th.. that means a few things;
1. My birthday is in 10 days
2. My ultrasound appointment!
I'm extremely excited and hope my eggs are mature enough to determine when we will do IUI. I also hope there arent like 4-6 eggs.. I dont know how we could handle 5 or 6 babies.. O_O  Those eggs can even multiply.. can you imagine?
oh dear, we dont agree on enough names to name all those babies! ;)
Anyways, I'd be just fine with twins.. triplets is a stretch.. I only have 2 arms and two milkers! Either way no matter how many we get, 1 or 6, i'll be as happy as can be!

Tomorrow for our appointment we are suppose to bring this specialized medicine. We couldn't get it from a regular pharmacy I had to jump through a ton of hoops to get the stupid injection shots.
On friday I finally got it all figured out and the prescription was called in.The kicker was that we had to have it shipped by monday.. and it needed to be refrigerated. ha.. they overnight expressed it. It came on saturday.. all is well.

This is the cooler package the shot was sent in. 

The box was practically packaged to survive through WW3!

Ill keep ya posted!

IUI (Intrauterine insemination)

It's been 7 months since we did testing and figured out what was affecting our chances to conceive. And this is the month we have decided to give IUI a spin. A lot of people dont know what IUI is.
Heres the skinny;
Cycle Day 1: call Dr. and give her the gory details ;) Joooke.
CD3-7: Pop them clomid pills
CD 14: May 20th ultrasound time.

Currently waiting for May 20th to roll around

CD 15/16: shoot myself up to promote ovulation.
CD 15/16: have the IUI procedure.
Then it's my favorite part.
Wait two weeks.
...
...
phew
I hate the two week wait. I know it far to well.
Lets just say, if I see a positive pregnancy test, i'll be spending all sorts of money on unnecessary amounts of pregnancy tests just to make up for all of the negative ones that have graced my memory.
(At that point ill hand out my address to all of those who have extras laying around ;))

Anyways. I debated over writing this on my blog. I hate being checked up on and asked "are you pregnant yet?!" (For future reference, If I have an update, I will update you. Deal?)
That's one reason why im sure a lot of couples struggling with infertility keep quiet and dont tell people their plans.

I also felt hesitant because I've always wanted some sort of element of surprise when we do get pregnant.. but to be perfectly honest, I will put myself in a thousand different awkward conversations and sacrifice the "element  of surprise" for the prayers of faithful people.


So, here I am.. humbly asking for you to include us in your prayers. If that isn't your cup o' tea, Ill take any well wishes or as many "Im thinking about you"'s that I can get.

Thanks Loves.

BUNNIES!!

Something amazing happened to me the other day.. We were outside letting Zigs go potty, she was off leash and started chasing/terrorizing the baby bunnies that live by our garage! I was trying to chase after her to get her to leave them alone and all of  a sudden I felt this quick, furry feeling graze the top of my foot. I looked down and there was this itty bitty baby bunny! I just about died. It was so soft, and traumatized.

Stinking Ziggy. She was acting like a lunatic dog.

There are like 4-5 of them! and they all look like this..

Not even kidding you. 

I could sit out there all night watching them run around through the grass and street. 

I <3 our bunny neighbors!

Mothers Day.

I was going about my day on saturday thinking, this Mothers Day is gonna be a breeze! It wont be emotional at all. I wont allow myself to feel sad/mournful.

I tried, I really did. It was all good and dandy until we got to church. One of the speakers said (here's a butchered version of what he said)

 "Mothers Day means a lot of different things to different people. Some see mothers day as the day they celebrate they're opportunity to be mothers. Others see it as the day to celebrate the relationships they have with their mothers or mourn the lack of relationship. Some see it as a reminder of their own body failing them. Some see it as a day that marks what blessings they havent received. "

(Before the speaker started his talk I asked a friend of mine if I could hold her sleeping baby.) 

At that point when the speaker stated his last remark, I lost it. I was gripping onto my emotions as hard as I could throughout the rest of the meeting but, having my very real feelings being explained for me.. opened the flood gates. I knew at that point He was talking right to me. 

So there I was holding this beautiful baby, trying to hold back choked sobs as my husband wiped away his own tears.

I realized at that moment that infertility has officially left its mark on us. 

Our infertility has changed us. 

I then asked myself "How has it changed me? Has it been for the better?" Often times I will say no but, I know thats not entirely true. How it's changed us is hard to explain. All I can tell you right now is that we have never had this much understanding and compassion for each other than we do now. 

I will continue my journey with as much faith and positivity that I can muster. 

It's just what should be done. 

Wish me (us) luck. 

xo

House?

I have mixed feelings about this house update.. We have officially cancelled our offer for the new build. and are basically back to where we started.

No new house for us. We decided we'd like to get a cheaper home so our payments are close to nill, and when we're ready we can rent that sucker out and make it an investment property. 

BUT! I bet you 10 bucks, buying a cheaper house wont happen either. 

yeahh. our lives at the moment are full of cross roads and adult decisions. its exhausting. 

At least this cross road is well paved.

This is what i feel like ours looks like. 

Which way to go? what to do, what to do?

I think at this point so many things have yet to go as expected that Mike and I are ready to just sway with the wind.  

What should I call you?

I was at work one day and it was pretty busy, I think.. I cant really remember. anyways. Two little indian boys and their dad come walking into the store. They were such cute little guys! One boy was 7 and the other was 3. The 3 year olds name was Alexander. I walked with Alexander and helped him up on my chair. He cozied right in. while i was cutting his hair I asked him "Alex or Alexander? What do you want to be called? " He looked straight at me and stared for a second giving it a little thought. He promptly nodded his cute head and said "Big boy!" then gave another nod just to confirm his new name. Everyone started chuckling. Im telling you, it was adorable!

Did you know old people who have almost no hair can be the pickiest clients I have?! yeah. And I swear men can be so high maintenance. bahaha. not kidding.