Show and Tell

You remember when I talked about passion, and that my passions are Crafts and Interior Design? No? You dont remember? Thats ok, you can catch up right --->  here!

*fiddles with hair*

Ya done?

Great! Now where was I.. Oh. I wanted to share something, well someone in particular who is very dear to my heart. 

This is my beautiful sister Alyssa and she is crazy talented! My beliefs urge us to share our talents with others, and thats just what i'll do!

She's so Pretty. Good job Mom ;)

Alyssa has had a talent in the arts for as long as I can remember. If she had a pen or pencil in her hand she would be using it to create beautiful doodles. Whether those doodles were on her paper, clothing or skin it didn't matter. 

Her passion for her art, especially her photography, is amazing and intense. I want to share a few with you. I hope she wont mind ;)

 These two beautiful girls are my amazing nieces <3

The next 5 pictures are from Alyssa's Mythological series.

Artemis (w/ gun): the goddess of the moon, the goddess of the hunt

A Dryad: a nymph of the woods and forest she is a hunting companion of Artemis

Hestia: Goddess of the hearth and home

Gaea, Mother Earth: Born from Chaos

Ill allow you to use your imagination for the rest. Create your own story for the photos.

Alyssa is an amazing photographer. Every photo she takes tells a beautiful story. 

<3

Yes, I will be a wonderful Mother.

For all of the Women who have struggled to become Mothers or are currently struggling to become Mothers. Here are some thoughts. 

Enough Said. 

A Lil' Inspiration Never Hurt Anyone. ; ]

Despite my slow progress with weight loss I've been feeling directionless. So many people are so incredibly passionate about an activity. Like; photography, business, sports, hair/makeup, working out, arts, ect.
When I say passionate I mean, pure, show-stopping determination to succeed in that passion. I did the whole hair and makeup school thing. I really want it to be something I enjoy.

I. Just. Can't. Get. Into. It.. as much as I'd like to.

I have this feeling maybe I'll come back to it later and try it again. At this point in my life, there are so many things I rather spend my time doing. Not to mention my tendonitis is out of control lately.
So let's put a pin in the hair idea. (not giving it up) just putting it up on the board. Using the skill when I need it or when my family and friends ask for it.


Let's get something clear here, I am extremely passionate about everything that involves our infertility journey. The becoming a Mother, watching my best friend become a Father. All of the raw pain that comes with infertility has helped me understand what it means to be passionate.
You know when people say "When someone tells me I cant do something, it makes me want to do it even more!" I've never felt that way. When someone tells me I cant do something, I just think "that's nice. Thanks." I dont feel the need to prove anything to anyone.

What I do feel the need to do is prove to myself, that I am a strong woman whose body will do what it's made to do, bear and birth children.

With this little lesson I've learned that there is an activity that makes me incredibly happy and I do have that show-stopping passion about something other than the Mommy journey.

My show-stopper is crafts and interior design!
It sure is.
I love crafts and am quite handy with a sewing machine and glue gun. What im most excited about right now is interior design. I've decided to spend time learning and doing/finishing our humble abode.

I have inspiration to show you!

 I love the wall color, and the differing of colors in the repurposed barn wood.

 Mike really Liked this one, The wall on this one is actually the same as the floor. We have a white bedding, and I love greys.



This was the first one I saw that made me fall in love with the wood wall idea. Its so romantic to me.

 Stay tuned! I'll make something like this happen :)

I found all of these pictures at www.houzz.com 

<3

Mighty Monday!

Heres the skinny:

Week: 9

Current Weight: 179.6

This weeks loss: 1.6

Left to lose before IUI: 20

Total Loss: 19.1

Ya'll remember when I wrote Mighty Monday on Wednesday? I mean why wouldn't you? Anyways on Wednesday I wrote that I was 179.2, well throughout the rest of the week I kept fluctuating to 180.something. 

Side Note: Sundays are a beast to keep under my points (weight watchers lingo) especially when you're invited to your in-laws house for dinner.. and they always have delicious dessert.

Death to the dieter. 

-_-

179.6 though, after last nights dessert and pasta dinner...I'll take it! 

Well I take that back.. I wont be okay with it next week. 

From here on out this is all new territory, numbers I havent seen on a scale since my first drivers license.  Im gonna step it up, in the beginning my average was 1.7 pounds, now its 1 pound. I cant have any of that 1 pound or less a week nonsense.. Im working on motherhood here, theres no joking around ;)

Officially stepping it up... you just wait!

Infertility SUCKS!

This past week has been really hard for me. Nothing in-particular has happened to make it an awful week for me.

Well, that was a lie.

Back story:
The past few months I've been taking a "break" from TTC (trying to conceive). My "break" has consisted of "relaxing" (like everyone says I need to do) and not tracking when im ovulating. Well this past month I decided to pull the lovely little plastic sticks out again.
Perfect!
We knew exactly when I was ovulating. Fool proof, yeah?

Then it was time for the ever dreaded two week wait!
                *** Two weeks pass***

BAM! Nothin but Aunt Flow rearing her ugly head. Again.
:(
Just like so many other months I thought it was going to be the perfect month.
Oh how wrong I always seem to be.
Positive spin: At least I didn't have to pay for yet another pregnancy test :D Those things have totally put a dent in Mike's wallet. o_O

So yeah I had a pretty roller coaster week, it wasn't one of those fun roller coasters. It was the kind that makes you lose your breath, fills you with anxiety, and makes you so scared and mad you cry constantly at basically anything.

Beautiful Roller Coaster

Scary Roller Coaster

Here's a tip, (no matter how sincere your intentions are) the "just relax, it'll happen" statement to a couple struggling with infertility, is neither helpful nor constructive.
Yes stress isn't good for an aspiring mother, it also isn't good for a terminally ill person. Relaxing doesn't create a baby, just like relaxing doesn't cure diseases.

Since I started this blog I have had a few people come out of the wood works (weirdest saying) that have struggled with infertility and are struggling with it. I want this to be a place where aspiring mothers and fathers can feel understood.
Infertility is a lonely thing, and is very misunderstood by many people.
I hope to bring understanding.

Mighty Monday... on Wednesday?

Welp it's that time again. Belated of course but, here it is! I kinda delayed it on purpose.
o_0 eek
I gained the .6 that I lost last time. So I was back to 181.2 on monday. I felt the urge to get on the scale this morning and it said..

 179.2!!!  179 POINT TWOOOO!

I had to double take like 5 times, and got on and off the scale a few more times, my brain wasn't registering the number.
Im officially back down to where I was last year when I lost 20 pounds.
This is all new territory now.
I bet monday will be lower than right now. :D
At this rate, with my diet change alone, ill be down 53 pounds by the first week of august!


Anyways...I'm going to continue watching my Harry Potter marathon while folding my million loads of laundry. (ok, total exaggeration, but.. still)

p.s. I think Zigs is a fan of the heated blanket.

Happy Wednesday!

March 6th

Our 3rd anniversary has come and gone. I swear special days go by WAY too fast. Its like you blink, then BAM you have to patiently wait a year to celebrate that special day all over again.
We had an amazing celebration and I have a ton of pictures to show you. We actually started celebrating the day before. We went to Von Hanson's and bought giant pork chops! Mike cooked dinner while I decorated the bedroom. We wanted to go to a bed and breakfast, but it ended up being all booked so we made it special without going anywhere.

This was the wonderful dinner Mike made, he got me white roses, Which he used to propose.

We each wrote little love notes, I shoved them into balloons, taped them to the ceiling and voila! Each night before bed we read a love note. It's strangely exciting every time we pop a balloon and read the little treasure inside!
I dare you to do it, surprise someone you love, with a ceiling full of balloons. You can make it into a little game of truth or dare too, if you wanted!

The night before at about 10:40 we realized our heater wasn't working! It was freezing. We booked it to target, they close at 11 and bought a space heater. Our room stayed warm, cant really say that for the rest of the house.

Anyways, we went to Minneapolis and had lunch. This picture is St. Paul's skyline from where we came from... and a very dirty window. adds character, right?

Lip licking goodness, called The Melting Pot.

 We found out that the Parade of Homes is going on, so we decided to take a peeksee at some houses, to find that the parade of homes wasn't going on that day. But! the offices were open, and they had model homes :)

I want a house, and I NEED this staircase in it..

If only the pictures did this house more justice. It was a jaw dropping experience. *drool*

To top the day off we went and saw Jack the Giant Slayer. I would highly suggest the movie, it was so cute and funny at the same time.

I loved spending two complete days with my best friend without distractions.
<3


p.s. The snow flakes were out of CONTROL! I wish you could see the individual snow flakes easier. we stood in the Walmart parking lot staring at the snow flakes on the trunk of our car for quite some time.

Mighty Monday!

Well my friends its that time again!

Last weeks weight: 181.2

This weeks weight: 180.4

Loss this week: 0.8

Im a little disappointed in this week but, a loss is a loss right?

I slacked off last week, hopefully this week will be better. *shakes head* 

I doubt it. Let me tell you why, Wednesday is our Wedding anniversary we're planning on going to The Melting Pot. yum! Then Thursday im having sushi with my mom and sister. 

Pfft, this weeks gonna be great for my taste buds, not so much for the scale. 

I hope you all have a lovely night! Im going to cut this one short and go stalk the internet to find housing options for our dear friends in Utah. 

If only they had a few million to blow, we'd move right into their basement!

Deep Like the Ocean

Next week is a big week for us, filled with mixed emotions for me.

We celebrate our 3rd wedding anniversary! It's Mike's year to plan our celebration. I don't care what we do as long as im with him.

For the sake of getting mushy.. I have never felt so in love, so overpowered by emotion until Mike came into my life. He is the most amazing, kind hearted, hard working, sensitive man I have ever met. He amazes me everyday. He is my knight.

Some throw back pictures for your viewing pleasure :)

Get ready to go swimming, this part gets a little deep...

Ovulation testing, blood draws, fertility creams, diet changes, miscarriage, mind warps, negative upon negative pregnancy tests and two years later... Marks our " grow a baby" anniversary.

And I'm finally finding my voice.. So beware!

I have suppressed my emotions on our struggle with infertility for a long time, I've been quiet. It's hard talking about it. But, I need to talk about it.

Infertility isn't something we should be silent about. I've spent the last 2 years of my life, many times feeling bitter, sad, alone, broken, angry and inadequate. Wondering what imperfections or wrong-doings have I done to not be trusted with motherhood.

People say, "things get easier with time". The only thing that has gotten noticeably easier, is my ability to shut it off, turn cold, and attempt to ignore the yearning feeling to add to our family. I built a cozy defense around myself, so that the empty feeling goes numb. 

You end up coming to terms with a lot of things, and maybe that makes things easier. I dunno. *shrugs*

In all reality, the struggle this journey entails, doesn't get any easier. 

But it's our journey, our struggle. If We're meant to work our butts off to grow our family. Then that's what we'll do.

I'll have invasive procedures done, I'll inject myself with chemicals, I'll sit and stare at an empty uterus on the little screen, I'll let them poke me with needles, take my blood, I'll spend thousands of dollars to become a mother. If that's what it'll take, then that's what I'll do.

Because someday, someone will call me mommy and will run to the door when daddy gets home. 

It's confusing, scary, and exciting all rolled together. I dont know when it will happen, through a miracle, treatments or both! Im just grateful that I do know, one day we will be blessed with parenthood. And the wait will be worth it. 

xo

Infertility etiquette  If you know anyone who struggles with infertility, this article is very helpful. Id love for you to read it!  http://www.dreamingofdimples.com/2012/04/infertility-etiquette.html