I tried, I really did. It was all good and dandy until we got to church. One of the speakers said (here's a butchered version of what he said)
"Mothers Day means a lot of different things to different people. Some see mothers day as the day they celebrate they're opportunity to be mothers. Others see it as the day to celebrate the relationships they have with their mothers or mourn the lack of relationship. Some see it as a reminder of their own body failing them. Some see it as a day that marks what blessings they havent received. "
(Before the speaker started his talk I asked a friend of mine if I could hold her sleeping baby.)
At that point when the speaker stated his last remark, I lost it. I was gripping onto my emotions as hard as I could throughout the rest of the meeting but, having my very real feelings being explained for me.. opened the flood gates. I knew at that point He was talking right to me.
So there I was holding this beautiful baby, trying to hold back choked sobs as my husband wiped away his own tears.
I realized at that moment that infertility has officially left its mark on us.
Our infertility has changed us.
I then asked myself "How has it changed me? Has it been for the better?" Often times I will say no but, I know thats not entirely true. How it's changed us is hard to explain. All I can tell you right now is that we have never had this much understanding and compassion for each other than we do now.
I will continue my journey with as much faith and positivity that I can muster.
It's just what should be done.
Wish me (us) luck.
xo
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